Laugh My Ass Off

Common Techniques of The Garden-Variety EbolaTrollTM; a Primer to Stop The Stupid

Posted in Uncategorized
at 2015.12.27
With 0 Comments

This is one of those times I wear the title TL;DR KingTM of Facebook with pride. Of course its too long. This fool wouldnt stop talking, even after he promised he would. If youre going to try and wade through the stupid in one sitting, get yourself a snack or a cold beverage now.

We are living in strange times. Id like to take a minute to address the Ebola virus. To those of you who choose to wear the government-issue blinders, this is where you should stop reading. Im going to raise some serious questions and they will fly in the face of what we are being fed by the US government and the CDC.

This should be great! Im on pins and needles over here. Seriously, your lead paragraph just gave me goosebumps. Do you think I should have that checked? Its not exactly a prickly rash, but hey, you can never be too careful, amiright?

I am not a fear monger and I deeply resent that label.

Wait, what? Why defend yourself prematurely, unless you plan on fear mongering? Fun fact: Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. Something to think about.

What I am is appalled by the lackadaisical attitude of the CDC when it comes to this deadly Level 4 virus. There is no excuse for how badly they have bungled things in Dallas.

Whoa whoa whoa slow down, cowboy. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention arent responsible for the initial decisions made at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas. The employees of that facility did not have protective protocols or equipment in place, largely because the bean counters in the upstairs office considered it extraneous equipment at the regions only acute care facility. Lackadaisical is really a bridge too far.

The CDC employs over 15,000 (highly educated) people and has a budget of 11 billion dollars. This is what they train for. Yet, how did they respond to the Ebola virus in Dallas?

Admirably thanks for noticing. Otherwise, this virulent illness would have infected half the city by now. Itd be in the water supply! Entire busloads of citizens could join the cast of AMCs The Walking Dead. No, wait check that Ebola virus disease (EVD), formerly known as Ebola haemorrhagic fever, doesnt do that. There is zero evidence or concern that the virus will evolve anytime soon, either. Whew that was a close call, eh? Healthcare professionals will tell you:

  • Its not transmitted through the air like the flu.
  • According to public health authorities, the only way a person can get Ebola is by coming into direct contact with the body fluids (urine, saliva, sweat, feces, vomit, breast milk and semen) of someone who is already showing symptoms.
  • If the person does not have symptoms, they are not contagious.

Why wasnt Mr. Duncan transported to a facility equipped to care for someone in his condition? Why didnt the CDC sweep into Dallas and take charge of treating Duncan? How is it possible that the CDC allowed untrained healthcare workers to treat this dying man? This boggles the mind.

I think your mind is easily boggled. Why do people ask inane questions on the Internet? Why is the federal government a pariah 364 days out of the year, and expected to be the white knight on-demand? CDC has already admitted a rapid response team could have been dispatched earlier but theyve got their hands full dealing with the much larger threat Ebola poses at the source overseas. Those 15,000 (highly educated) people arent all field personnel, either. Get a grip, sport.

In the final days leading up to his death, Duncan was absolutely toxic. He was a highly contagious virus factory. Again, where was the CDC? The only logical explanation is that Dallas is/was an experiment. This is unconscionable.

Oh. My. God. I thought this was just going to a basic level, garden variety government is inept essay, but clearly youre prepared to go full-on batshit crazy. Yes, the boogeymen (and women) We the People either elected to office, or hired to perform services for the government, are currently treating the citizens of Dallas, Texas like lab rats. This is serious. Why arent you using exclamation points to punctuate your concerns?!

We have now been told that 75 healthcare workers in Dallas have potentially been exposed to the virus and that the CDC expects to see more cases. Yet, we are supposed to trust the village idiot of all government agencies to contain the virus. Imagine the horror of knowing you may be infected, despite following the protocols that were put in place. How could you sleep at night?

Well, since theyre healthcare professionals who understand the nature of the threat a lot better than you do, Im sure they sleep just fine. Try warm milk. Also, Id love it if you could make up your mind already are these (as you assert) 15,000 (highly educated) people, or village idiot(s)? Your argument is beginning to fray at the edges (actually, its still a tangled bundle of yarn laying at your feet, with no loom in site).

And speaking of infected healthcare workers, what are we to make of Amber Vinson? Despite what the CDC already knew about Nina Pham, they allowed this nurse (who they suspected to be infected) to board a commercial airliner with a low-grade fever. Wow. And why are we still flying people here from West Africa?

Well for starters, the Ebola virus is not contagious unless the person infected has begun to display symptoms. Nobody suspected Amber was infected, despite your assertions. During their teleconference, CDC confirmed they identified 76 individuals who might have had exposure to the index patient. Of those 76 individuals, all will be monitored for fever or symptoms on a daily basis actively. There have been thousands upon thousands of people flying into and out of countries all over the world and yet the disease is still largely contained to west central countries in Africa. Now dont you feel foolish? No, probably not.

USAID, WHO and other healthcare professionals have been dealing with Ebola for years now; the lethality of the virus in rural parts of Africa has more to do with the lack of proper medical treatment than anything else. Flu kills tens of thousands of people in this country each year. Heart disease kills even more, but theres a high carb Happy Meal loaded with fat, sugar and sodium on every street corner in America. Oh, the humanity!

Perhaps if we hadnt sequestered the funds necessary for research, those 15,000 (highly educated) people would have developed a vaccine by now. But we have other things to pay for, like subsidies for big oil, or handouts to pharmaceutical giants (who then pretend those profits are international to avoid participating in our tax base, which would pay for things like medical research. Instead, they squirrel away profits overseas and complain to politicians they should be allowed to repatriate those funds back to the U.S. if only they could get another tax break. You do have access to the Internet, right? Of course you do. You should look up some of these issues.

This is an unprecedented outbreak of the Ebola virus.

This is the single dumbest thing Ive read on the Internet, which is saying quite a bit. Your unprecedented outbreak includes two healthcare employees, doing the best they knew how for a dying patient, in a hospital unprepared to adhere to current isolation protocols. Two people does not an unprecedented outbreak create.

What we have learned is that we still know very little about this highly-infectious disease.

No, what weve learned is that you still know next to nothing about Ebola. Medical research specialists have been studying it for ten years or more and know quite a bit, actually. Heck, Im no professional, but even I know youre full of fecal matter. Drop the colloquialism we are not amused by your fear-mongering. Offended? Too bad.

Some experts believe the virus has gone airborne, but they are quickly shouted down and belittled by the CDC.

Some people believe wearing tin foil on their head will keep the NSA from listening to their thoughts, too. The consensus opinion of those 15,000 (highly educated) people at CDC trump researchers who think they might have successfully manipulated one strain of the virus in their laboratory. If the Ebola virus were airborne (its not), then half the people on the continent of Africa would be dead by now (theyre not). If you feel Im belittling your opinion (I am). What youre saying is nothing more than uninformed twiddle twaddle. Im pretty sure thats the preferred medical definition.

Given the size and scope of this outbreak, isnt it possible that the virus has mutated?

No. No, its not possible. Is it possible youve fallen recently and concussed yourself? Considering the symptoms you display, it seems a plausible diagnosis.

Weeks ago, the CDC itself estimated that soon (worldwide) we could have 1.4 million cases of Ebola. But now were being told not to worry.

You simply dont process information very well. Where you assert the warning was (worldwide), the CDC estimates said Ebola could infect 1.4 million in Liberia and Sierra Leone by the end of January. See the difference? Of course you dont.

The rate of replication in Liberia and Sierra Leone has grown dramatically, which is why a concerted effort, from all nations and not just the United States, is called for at this time. Even Cuba is sending doctors. This is, as the president has already said, an all hands on deck situation.

Health workers in personal protective equipment (PPE) wait to enter the hot zone at Island Clinic in Monrovia

Health workers in personal protective equipment (PPE) wait to enter the hot zone at Island Clinic in Monrovia, Liberia on Sept. 22, 2014 (by Morgana Wingard, USAID)

The World Health Organization has provided weekly reports on the West African Ebola epidemic since August; the number of new cases is rising exponentially. The epidemiologic statistic to pay attention to is the reproductive rate of disease (how many additional people are infected by each patient with Ebola identified). WHO estimates that number at 1.51 in Liberia, 1.38 in Sierra Leone (and if were counting, 2.0 for the whopping 3 cases here in the US). We can do better; we will.

I understand the need to contain this highly-infectious disease at the source, but I question the logic of sending troops to the hot zone in West Africa to fight Ebola.

You have a lot of questions, so thats not surprising. Name another entity better prepared or better equipped to deal with the enormous logistical challenges presented when moving equipment, supplies and personnel into remote areas? Oddly enough, the men and women who serve this nation in uniform are capable of doing more than simply killing those people because they frighten you.

According to the World Health Organization:
Community engagement is key to successfully controlling outbreaks. Good outbreak control relies on applying a package of interventions, namely case management, surveillance and contact tracing, a good laboratory service, safe burials and social mobilization.

The number of troops keeps fluctuating and now there is talk of utilizing the National Guard to help fight the virus. You cant make this stuff up. What is the plan of attack?

As our military transitions from a war footing (bringing troops out of Afghanistan), what would you have the Department of Defense do? Tell personnel who have been overseas, in an active war zone for months or perhaps years, that they dont get to come home? Seems this isnt a decision best left to the armchair generals on Facebook or the Ebola outbreak in Africa will continue to grow exponentially while you question the logic.

Healthcare workers wearing protective gear (in a controlled environment) have contracted Ebola. How does Washington plan to protect our soldiers against this virus?

The Pentagon has already given both the House and Senate Armed Services committees answers to those very questions. Its a big Internet; none of this is classified information. Weve previously established that employees of Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas did NOT have either the correct protective gear, nor a controlled environment. You try getting out of a hazmat suit without touching it its easier said than done.

As this plays out, we are going to be seeing less and less of this on the internet and on the news. Already, Ebola stories are being scrubbed from the internet.

Wait, what? Have you paid your cable bill? You cant turn around online without coming face to face with some moron screeching nonsense about Ebola. You cant find that on the Internet? Check the mirror.

The government and the CDC are (justifiably) afraid of creating a panic. They point to other diseases and tell us how we should be more concerned about contracting them. And while that is true, does it mean were not supposed to worry about the possibility of Ebola spreading across the US? Call me crazy, but I cant dismiss that thought.

Im pretty sure Ive already called you crazy, but only because youre talking like a crazy person. I have no fear that Ebola will spread across the U.S. but I do what I can to avoid heart disease, cancer, strokes, chronic lower respiratory disease and accidental injury (a broad-based item which includes getting shot while cleaning your guns, or suffering from asthma and then being choked to death by a member of the NYPD) but I digress.

At the very least, we should demand full (and immediate) transparency when it comes to this virus. Toss HIPPA out the window. This is a case where our right to know outweighs the patients right to privacy.

Again what? No, seriously what the hell are you babbling about now? We know everything we need to about those infected with Ebola in this country (except perhaps their shoe sizes but then, I havent checked TMZ lately).

Seeing how we are incapable of stopping travel out of West Africa, we need to quarantine these people for a minimum of 21 days. This should have happened weeks ago. People infected with the virus need to be immediately transported to facilities that specialize in treating Level 4 viruses. And for crying out loud, can we ask that they wear full protective gear when they come into contact with these people?

Now youre talking! Lets open up those FEMA camps and herd everyone inside! Send off an angry letter to your Congressional representative and ask that they immediately appropriate tens of billions of dollars to care for healthy citizens, because you are afraid they might have the Ebola. You can never be too careful, for crying out loud. Immediately! Stat!


No, really? Promise? We can be finally be done?

Lastly, we need some accountability out of the CDC. They have totally dropped the ball and this is unacceptable.

Okay you lost me, and I was right here the whole time. Officials at CDC accepted responsibility for not sending a rapid response team to Dallas at the first whiff of trouble. That seems, to me anyway, they are being accountable (or at the very least, accepting responsibility). If the situation at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital had been allowed to fester without intervention, leading to dozens of cases in Dallas or elsewhere, you might have a point (other than the one under your hat).

By the way I peeked and you lied to me. There are two more paragraphs. Im going for coffee can I get you something while Im up?

Step up or get out of the way. Were tired of your arrogance and of your apathy. The world is watching and theyre laughing at us.

LOL no, no, no … omigod, no. I dont know how often LOL is typed in a day but that was a genuine laugh out moment for me. Thank you. Who is laughing? Which statement from the White House or CDC has been either arrogant, or apathetic? What color is the sky in your world? Out here in the real world, its blue and the sandhill cranes and Canadian geese have begun their annual migration up here in my neck of the woods. Get outside and get some fresh air these symptoms of yours could indicate your brain isnt getting enough oxygen.

If months ago a writer was to create a scenario (where Ebola was unleashed upon the American people) …

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, unleashed?! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <sniff> Okay Im better now … heheh … huh, hahahahahaha. Okay, I got this. Really, Ill be fine. Holy crap, that was hysterical. Lets try that again.

If months ago a writer was to create a scenario (where Ebola was unleashed upon the American people) and they listed this chain of events, I highly doubt readers would have bought the storyline. They would laugh at the outrageousness of the plot and drown the author in one star ratings and scathing reviews. Yet, none of this is fiction. And while I hope and pray that we can contain and eradicate this outbreak, I see little reason to be optimistic this will happen anytime in the near future.

I apologize. I had no idea you were working on a screenplay for a new Dramedy (…a sub-genre in contemporary forms of tragicomedy, especially in television, that combines elements of comedy and drama). Ill bet Nick Cage would attach himself to the project. Coming off his performance in Left Behind (3.9/10 at IMdB 2% at Rotten Tomatoes), this nonsense would be right up his alley.

I could get into much darker scenarios …


I could get into much darker scenarios, but for now the facts are tough enough to digest. I know many people still have faith in our system. Thats your prerogative. Just dont expect others to stand down when it comes to sharing our thoughts and fears. We have every right to question authority, especially when it comes to the people who are responsible for our safety. We refuse to apologize to anyone for doing so.

We? Look, youre more than welcome to give us a peak inside your diseased mind anytime you feel the calling, champ. And WE are free to point and laugh each time you do. Personally, I find these exercises entertaining, because it often leads me to do further research on a topic. I dont want to fall into a type of cognitive bias, where I interpret information in a way which merely confirms previously held beliefs or hypotheses. So thanks for the exercise I hope you had fun. If you paid attention, you probably learned something, too.

Youre welcome.

H/T: White House Blog | Image: CDC / Creative Commons / USAID

‘re bound to get idears if you go thinkin’ ’bout stuff.”
~ John Steinbeck

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  • Mark

    All i read was a sophomoric attack on a well conceived series of thoughts on why President Pookies administration is playing fast and loose with the health and lives of Americans. The one way to insure the disease.will not enter the US would be to cut off travel to and from the affected countries. Understand that you libtard jackasses own every case of Ebola that happens in this country. The voters will hold you accountable. That is, the ones still able to think, in spite of Common Core.

    • spencer

      Excellent rebuttal Mark! So by your logic, it is safe to assume you hold republicans accountable for the 30,000 annual gun deaths in America?

      liberals: 1 Ebola death
      conservatives: 30,000 gun deaths (per year)

      Look Mark, you (idiots) win! Yaayyyyy

    • Dave

      I agree the article was mainly a sophomoric attack, but I cannot support your supposition that the piece this article lambasted could in any universe (except for perhaps bizzaro world) be construed as well conceived. Taking into account this is coming from an op-ed/comedic writer, I can grant a little leeway in the childishness displayed.

      Furthermore, Mark, your caricature of the President of the United States of America as Pookie is also sophomoric. He is the President whether you voted for him, like him or not. Belittling him only serves to justify your disdain for him. Your claim that he is playing fast and loose with the lives of Americans is patently false. I consider anyone that would push legislation to ensure (interestingly enough, I could use insure here as well if I alter the remainder of the sentence) that millions of Americans can have access to health insurance as a person that actually cares about the people (not that its a perfect piece of legislation, but its getting the job done). There has been zero carelessness on his part through this overblown Ebola crisis in Texas. We employ many thousands of individuals who are highly educated and experienced in fields of virology, immunology, medicine, epidemiology, etc. I will trust the opinion of my peers (being a microbiologist myself, you should trust the consensus of the expert community unless you have study data yet to be published) over the rantings of someone that uses the appeal to pathos logical fallacy as the sole basis of an argument.

      A travel ban will in no way prevent Ebola from entering any country. Unless you can seal off an entire country to ensure that not a single person can escape, people will leave the ban country and enter a country without a travel ban. This will only make it harder to track. If they are going to travel, I would be much happier knowing they came from an area that is having an issue so we *know* to monitor that person instead of being surprised 3 weeks down the road when a hospital sends a symptomatic person home *again*.

      I am amused that you called the article a sophomoric attack, and then call people you dont agree with libtards. If youre going to chastise someone for being childish, dont engage in it yourself. This is the very definition of hypocrisy.

      Im fairly certain that unless there is a sudden and drastic uptick in the number of cases of Ebola in the country, that by the time November 4th rolls around, Ebola will not be an issue in this country.

      More common core bashing. If you would take the time to learn more about common core, you might be surprised that its not as evil as you want to believe it is. Ill use Math as an example. We are teaching kids the shortcut methods that many people figured out along the way. People seem to be upset over how they are teaching subtraction. Its no longer subtraction, its counting up. Thousands if not millions of retail cashiers do this every time they hand back change. It is the exact same process. Multiplication is being taught in a such a way that kids dont have to rely on a calculator or paper and pencil.

      The only thing I can suggest is that you take the time to actually learn about these topics. The more you learn, the less you will fear, and the better off well all be.

    • http://bit.ly/tomjoad Tom Joad

      > > > All i read was a sophomoric attack on a well conceived series of thoughts on why President Pookies administration is playing fast and loose with the health and lives of Americans.

      Which is why nobody takes you seriously. To paraphrase Aaron Sorkin: we have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. If you dont understand something, do your own research and educate yourself, rather than getting up on a soapbox and embarrassing yourself by putting your ignorance on display.

      > > > The one way to insure the disease.will not enter the US would be to cut off travel to and from the affected countries. Understand that you libtard jackasses own every case of Ebola that happens in this country. The voters will hold you accountable. That is, the ones still able to think, in spite of Common Core.

      I dont know how to break it to you, champ but Walt Disney was right: its a small world, after all. Lets take your idiotic premise out for a spin around the block. We immediately ground all air travel into and out of the African continent. We task groups in the region to repurpose from their mission in Syria and Iraq to Sierra Leone and Liberia nothing in, nothing out. Because a total ban on any travel is really the only solution, right? Well have to shoot down any British Airways, Nippon, Air France-KLM flight that dares defy the quarantine. Or do we also need to stop any inbound flights for passengers on Deutsche Lufthansa and Quantas?

      Okay lets compromise. Nobody in or out thats been to west central Africa, or ridden in a cab driven by an immigrant from the region, or has been within ten miles of Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas. After all, they just sent that teacher home because she stayed at a hotel within the danger zone parents have a right to be concerned. Its not like FEAR isnt warping your ability to reason like a normal person.

      Let me help that was sarcasm. I thought I should mention it, because you seem like a st-st-stupid person to me who might not have gotten the joke. Anytime you need me to make fun of your st-st-stupidity, just say so, because obviously, weve got to stand with our North Korean allies.

      If you fail to get the reference, look it up. Its certainly more germane that mentioning Common Core.

    • EricJo

      Hey Markie,

      Travel bans dont work. There are NO DIRECT FLIGHTS from affected countries. So, unless you cut off travel from everywhere, theres simply no way to stop it that way. And, since the United States has confirmed cases of the disease, then all of our travel should be halted, too, right? Should we halt intrastate and city travel, too, to keep it from spreading?

      Educate yourself on how this disease actually spreads and if you really want to stop it then we, and the rest of the world, need to help the affected countries get it under control. That means sending medical personnel and military personnel to help.

  • Spunky Mcfarland

    Mark, they let you have internet access? So who is the beneficiary of the policy to insure the disease will not enter the US? Maroon

  • Michelle

    Mark, you have responded in kind. As you describe a sophomoric attack by the author, you resorted to doing the same. Project much?

  • Carol

    Gee Mark, as a confirmed liberal, progressive Democrat I am so convinced by your rant and insults that I will be attending the next tea party meeting proudly waving a Gadsen flag. . What I read was a take down of a moron speaking nonsense. As to who owns the Ebola cases. I would place strict blame on Rick we dont need no stinking regulations Perry, the creationism is science crowd, with a tad left over for the bean counters who run hospitals for profit instead of for health care.

  • Adele

    Quite the comment. You covered every Fox/Rush buzzword except for sheeple.

  • Sarah

    I was at this bar last night and I had to go outside to the smokers deck to find my husband. I found him, as well as several additional bar patrons, standing around and listening to this big ol blond lady while she chain smoked her Pall Malls and wove her tale of Ebola horrors. Seriously, she could have written this article. Now, Ive worked in public health for 13 years and I have experience working as an epidemiologist on some pretty doggone big outbreaks (granted they were things like norovirus, but you get the idea). I am SICK of having to correct people on this Ebola hysteria. So, as this woman reached the dramatic conclusion of her tirade, she made eye contact with me and said, and thats what the government doesnt want you to know! I couldnt help it. I started laughing. I said to her, You do realize that the flu kills 10,000 people in this country every year right? As a matter of fact, smoking kills 400,000 people a year. She just flicked her cig in my general direction and stomped back into the bar. It was too bad really. I was looking forward to getting into an intellectual battle with someone who kept calling memes meemees.

  • Icejjfish

  • Xyra E.

    Wow Mark, almost got all the paranoia in one paragraph. Even managed to link common core, amazing. Your political strategy is clever. Fear monger the people into a societal panic attack while they fill in the tiny circle with shaking hands in hazmat suits at the voting booth? It almost sounds like you are counting on the inability to think. Because the keyboard warrior experts and Texas sharpshooters who have not an iota of research ability beyond political blogs, and the political talking heads that fuel the hysteria (which, I find it hard to believe is out of concern instead of a political agenda) are more qualified. Why do I find that hard to believe? Because, politics over medical expertise. The concern is heartwarming.

  • http://Ifyouonlynews Michele

    Good one Mark! Thanks for the Heads Up that we Libtards own this, and here I was thinking the whole time that we were all in this together. Actually, it is a relief to learn that it wont be left up to the fear mongering Repugs to deal with it-we saw how well that has worked in the Middle East, havent we? I feel much safer knowing that we got this instead of leaving it up to a bunch of obstructing, corrupt Ass Hats so thanks for handing it off to those who will actually step up and address the problem instead of making it a Political Platform.

  • Danielistical

    OpEdNews Op Eds 10/9/2014 at 22:56:59
    Thanks to the GOP, the US Is Without Its Top Doctor as Ebola Spreads
    Monday, 06 October 2014 15:07
    The Republican Caucus Room conspiracy is putting all of our lives at risk.
    As the condition of Thomas Eric Duncan, the Liberian man diagnosed with Ebola in Texas, continues to worsen, and as fears over Ebola spreading in the US continue to grow, the right-wing media is lashing out at the US surgeon general.
    So who is the surgeon general?
    The surgeon general is the United States top doc.
    The US doesnt have a surgeon general right now, and its all because of Republicans non-stop efforts to sabotage the Obama presidency.
    Back in November of last year, President Obama nominated Dr. Vivek Murthy to take over the role of the nations top doc.
    Murthy is more than qualified for the position, but unfortunately, he did something that many in Washington wont: he stood up to the NRA.

  • Gary

    Im only bummed because I didnt get a cold beverage and a snack before trying to read through this funny stuff. I know this is serious, but so was small pox, polio, and aids. Because of science we have always conquered them. I remember aids in the early 80s and everyone becoming frantic, OMG were all gonna die!! Just by saying this comment, Im sure Ill get all kinds of backlash. Of those that do, I think I have the ebola and I just might transmit it to you through the keyboard.

  • Blair Proctor

    Did Nugent shat in this guys cranium? I hope the procedure was gratis.

  • Corbin Jarrett

    I would like to point out that they are actually called Canada geese not Canadian they are not from canada the country… they were discovered by a guy whos last name was Canada

  • Foamy Darkale

    sad to say people the american people HAVE bought into this insanity and loved every minute of it so far.. by the way when in the season two of The Strain coming back on?

Comments are closed.