Laugh My Ass Off

Glenn Beck: God Allowed Scalia To Die So Cruz Would Win (VIDEO)

Posted in Uncategorized
at 2016.03.14
With 0 Comments

Glenn Beck is a fan of Ted Cruz, and hes been stumping for Cruz in South Carolina. Hes been so busy campaigning for Cruz that he hasnt had a chance to keep up with his radio schedule, but he did take the chance on Tuesday to call in and talk about the big news this week so far the death of Justice Antonin Scalia.

And since this is Glenn Beck, you pretty much know what you can expect: God allowed Scalia to die because it would help Ted Cruz win the election.

This is news to me. Given aim and temperament people like Beck regularly ascribe to God, I thought it was because some poor bastard in Norjinkhairkhan, Khovnd province pissed him off.

I just woke the American people up

While discussing the passing of Scalia, Becks co-host Pat Gray couldnt quite grok why God would let Scalia die before the election was over. Now, I have a working theory that says God is a Democrat and he was afraid that Cruz might win, so he wanted to give this country a decent chance to survive a potential Cruz presidency by allowing Obama to appoint a Supreme Court Justice.

Of course, I dont actually believe that. One, its tasteless since its turning a mans death into a vehicle to gain cheap political points. But, more to the point, I dont have the almighty on speed dial like Glenn Beck does, and he quickly called in to remind his audience that he has insights into the mind of God that few of us lowly mortals can even dream of possessing.

Beck believes that Scalias death will motivate Americans to elect Cruz. How so? Uh, well, were working on that, but he does a damn fine impersonation of God:

I just woke the American people up. I took them out of the game show moment and woke enough of them up to say, look at how close your liberty is to being lost. You now have lost your liberty. You replace one guy and you now have 5-4 decisions in the other direction. Just with this one guy, youve lost your liberty so youd better elect somebody that is going to be somebody on [the court] because for the next 30 years, if you dont, the Constitution as you know it [is gone].

He continued, warning, The Constitution is hanging by a thread and, that thread has just been cut and the only way that we survive now is if we have a true constitutionalist.

Beck says that and all I hear is, Behold your gods, O America, who brought you up from the land of Great Britain! So God forbid we lose that Golden Constitution. Some crank named Moses already smashed the calf.

Watch the video below:

Feature image via Flickr

Share this Article!
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter

‘s a patron of the arts and sciences, and a supporter for universal human rights — as well as another quite afternoon with the latest find at the local library.

    Thamiel Rosenkreuz

    Latest Posts By
    Thamiel Rosenkreuz

    • Ted Cruz Wants You To Know He Doesnt Have Any Views On The Size Of Trumps Anatomy
    • Costco Gives Walmarts Low Wages The Middle Finger, Raises Theirs By Almost Two Dollars (VIDEO)
    • Trump Fails At Real Estate: Walks Away From $13.2 Billion

    Terms of Service
    Please login to Facebook to comment

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Comments are closed.