Laugh My Ass Off

GUARANTEED: Your Valentine Cannot Be More Frigid Than This Mans Date

Posted in Uncategorized
at 2016.01.28
With 0 Comments

Some people will do just about anything to avoid being alone for Valentines Day.

One Columbus, Georgia, homeless man was busted Monday, Feb. 9 for breaking into a funeral home and having his lascivious ways with a womans corpse.

26-year-old Domonique Smith allegedly slipped into the Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service, did his best Bill Cosby impression, stole a bicycle and pedaled into the night, according to the Associated Press. A report issued by the Columbus Police Department Friday states that Smith was eventually apprehended and charged with necrophilia.

Police Capt. Gordon Griswould claimed in the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer Friday that the incident had occurred either Sunday night or Monday morning, sometime between 7 p.m. and 8 a.m.

It was the funeral homes bicycle that got Smith busted for his macabre caper. Apparently, police were simply on the lookout for a bike thief, but after the bicycle had been found in Smiths possession, funeral home staff discovered that one womans body, who shall remain anonymous, was disturbed.

From there, a whole lot of bodies became disturbed as the extent of the bodys disruption became more clear.

Police Maj. Gil Slouchick stated:

The results of our investigation and the forensic examination gave us probable cause to believe that this individual had indeed sexually assaulted a dead body.

Already in the Musogee County slamma, Smith was then additionally charged with necrophilia, Griswould said. And thats one for the record books as far as Griswould is concerned; its the first case of necrophilia he can remember, and it sure seems like hed remember had there ever been another one. Thats something that doesnt get buried under a pile of past convictions like stealing a bicycle might.

Griswould stated:

This is extremely rare.

Smith was found crashing in an abandoned home. He had the funeral homes bicycle and several other stolen items there with him, amongst which were multiple guns, televisions, and memories.

Unfortunately for Smith, he was discovered after a neighbor reported a man entering and exiting the known abandoned property.

As of Tuesday, Smith has plead guilty to burglary, squatting, possession of a firearm and possession of stolen property in the Recorders Court. Strangely, necrophilia was not listed amongst the charges by numerous media outlets.

Naturally, the funeral home did not wish to issue a statement. They did say, however, that the survivors of the assaulted remains have been notified of the incident.

Spokesperson for Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service Cedric Hill also stated:

We hold our families dear. We look for the best protection and security for the families we have served in this community for 65 years.

It seems Smith will have to find his holiday lovin in the county jail for the time being.

Happy Valentines Day!

H/T: rawstory.com | Featured image: via WikiMedia

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