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Loving Christian Files Ballot Measure To Have All Gays Executed By Firing Squad

Posted in Uncategorized
at 2015.12.20
With 0 Comments

Matthew McLaughlin, Christian activist, zealot and all-around lunatic, has filed a ballot initiative in California to have all gay people executed by firing squad to spare the rest of the states residents from enduring Gods wrath.

McLaughlin paid his $200 to the State Attorney General in Sacramento last week to have his measure, the Sodomite Suppression Act, brought to the voters.

McLaughlin insists that homosexual activity is buggery and sodomy, and claims its a a monstrous evil that Almighty God, giver of freedom and liberty, commands us to suppress on pain of our utter destruction even as he overthrew Sodom and Gomorrha [sic].


Rather than see his fellow straight God-fearing Californians destroyed by fire and brimstone, their cities turned to salt, McLaughlin would prefer to simply put bullets in the heads of those dastardly gay people God hates so very much:

Seeing that it is better that offenders should die rather than that all of us should be killed by Gods just wrath against us for the folly of tolerating-wickedness in our midst, the People of California wisely command, in the fear of God, that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for purposes of sexual gratification be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method.

The exact date of the archangel Gabriels arrival in California is unknown, so McLaughlin would like to see the measure voted into law so the killing can begin post-haste.

Theres no mention in his act about the dilemma that would most likely arise should the states death squads encounter a lesbian woman impregnated through in vitro fertilization, or God forbid, (and he does) through conventional means with a homosexual man.

Cue religious paradox in 3…2…1….

Luckily for the sane people of California, McLaughlin now needs to collect the signatures of 365,000 registered California voters for his initiative to move forward.

Rumor has it he will be frequenting Tea Party rallies and pro-life functions to find like-minded people willing to break a commandment to appease the rules of Leviticus 18.

H/T: The New Civil Rights Movement | Image: Painting by Pieter Schoubroeck


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  • Enrique Elizondo

    Where are the lions when you have food for them?

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