Laugh My Ass Off

No Cash, No Campaign: GOP Loser Rick Perrys Already Burned Through $1 Million, Cant Pay Staff

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at 2016.01.04
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Some campaigns meet a spectacular end, detonating on themselves and imploding into a singularity of stupid, like a political supernova. If the past is any indication, this is the path of Donald Trump.

However, some campaigns fizzle like flat Coca-Cola. They slip into the ignominious Hall of Wait, you really ran? And thought you could win?

This, it appears, is the fate of the Rick Perry campaign, as aides say that he can no longer afford to pay his staff.

All That Ego Hurts His Back

The man known as Governor Goodhair isnt the sharpest tool in the shed; in fact, he is to presidential material what crayons are to weed removal.

In the past, former Governor of Texas Rick Perry has proclaimed the American revolution happened in the 16th century, that freedom of religion doesnt mean freedom from religion, and the whats the third one? The third one… I can never seem to remember it.

Last month, Rick Perry imploded on Fox News, blaming his stupidity in 2012 on a combination of bad luck and a bad back:

Wallace asked Perry what he learned, and the former Texas governor responded, Well, number one, you gotta be healthy, and secondly, you gotta prepare, and it takes years of preparation, I would suggest to you.

In this interview, Rick Perry admitted that he is lazy, makes bad decisions, and he is unprepared. The foundation of his presidential campaign appears to be vote for me because my back doesnt hurt, and I studied this time.

And things arent looking any better this time around, either.

Stalled At The Starting Line

Perry just barely missed qualifying for the big boy debate on Fox News last week, despite a concerted effort from the former Texas governor to reintroduce himself to the right-wing voters. This is just the latest in a long string of failures that have plagued Perrys campaign.

That one aide, requesting anonymity to speak about how Perrys campaign works, revealed that Perry has stopped paying his staff and that they dont expect to see pay for the next few weeks says all that needs to be said about Perrys campaign.

Despite these grim financial troubles, there are a number of Super PACS who support Governor Goodhairs candidacy sitting on more than $10 million. A pro-Perry super PAC netted $16.8 million last month, even though Perrys fundraising gains were a meager $1 million.

Not that this money helps any; while confident that they have plenty of money to put him in position to finish in the top three or even win Iowa, Austin Barbour, a campaign strategist for Perrys super PACs, is barred from communicating with Perrys campaign about what can be done for staff overhead.

Despite this, the groups are willing to pick up the costs traditionally associated with running a campaign:

We raised so much money we have the ability to support him in a number of ways. And weve been looking at all different ways to support him, not just paid media.

And even if the super PACs absorbed the staff payroll, the aides would still be looking at a 120-day period before they could get involved in any of the super PACs activities.

Still, Rick Perry has no intention of shifting from a state strategy to an all-in-on-Iowa strategy. According to Katon Dawson, a former South Carolina Republican chairman and aide to Rick Perry, We have events in South Carolina in August and September that will be great.

He also recalled that John McCain ran into similar financial woes during the 2007 cycle and managed to make a comeback with a low-budget campaign to win the Republican nomination after which, Mr. Dawson conveniently forgot to mention, McCain nominated Sarah Palin as his VP and turned his campaign, and his party, into a national joke.

Just like Governor Goodhair.

Feature image via Wikimedia Commons

‘s a patron of the arts and sciences, and a supporter for universal human rights — as well as another quite afternoon with the latest find at the local library.

    Thamiel Rosenkreuz

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    • StrangeOneClearcut

      Good Riddance to Perry !

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