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Texas Governor Steals February 2nd From Groundhogs, Declares It Chris Kyle Day

Posted in Uncategorized
at 2015.12.27
With 0 Comments

Texas Governor Greg Abbott must think groundhogs are women, gay or minorities. Hes decided that those furry little bundles of cute dont deserve to be recognized anymore, stripping them of their one glorious day a year in favor of American liar, Chris Kyle.

The move is a complete publicity stunt unprecedented. Governor Abbott, who is sure to accomplish next to nothing other than pissing off sane people while in office, has decided that glorifying a man who murdered indiscriminately and then bragged about it in a book filled with lies and half-truths deserves February 2, more than groundhogs do.

undhog


Resident right-wing nut jobs are looking forward to dressing in full camo and killing anything that looks Muslim oops, protecting our freedom. No word yet if exaggerating your life-events or inventing stories about killing people which never happened will earn them their own movie.

Groundhog day dates back to 17th century Europe. The first recorded reference was in 1841. A tradition that gives us something to talk about in the dead of winter and sparked one hell of a good Bill Murray movie is apparently not important enough for gun-toting Muslim-hating Lonestar State bigots.

After extensive research this writer was able to conclude that there is absolutely nothing going on this February 3rd. Or the 4th. I have a dentist appointment on the 5th, so thats no good, but there may have been other options for Abbott.

Groundhogs nationwide are said to be organizing a revolt against Abbott, and plan to go door-to-door in Texas on February 2nd to remind people that its their day and to personally let them know whether or not spring will come early.

Those cheeky little bastards. They dont deserve this kind of discrimination. Then again neither do women, the gay community or minorities.

Alas, this is Texas were talking about.

H/T: Liberal America | Image: Onwardstate.com


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  • TigerFan

    Greg Abbott is a tool. Texas will never be anything but a corporate haven.


  • Clay Cushing

    Obscene


  • Beaugrand_RTMC

    Its a Clint Eastwood movie. I like Clint Eastwood movies, as long as theyre about horses, and guns, and deeply flawed, troubled, sociopathic killers.

    Not enough horses in this one.

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